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So. Close.

I’m so, so close to finishing ‘Twas Halloween Night.

It’s been a long road of learning.  I’ve never written anything intended for an audience younger than young adult, so that was new for me.  I’m not really a poet, yet the story is a poem, so that was new for me. I’ve never attempted to get anything published, so that is definitely new for me.  And with self-publishing comes self-marketing, something else that will be new for me.  That’s a lot of new.  Not to mention, this was all happening during my newest daughter’s first year of life, while I transitioned from having 2 to 3 kids (and sometimes 4 when I’m doing childcare, another new thing this year), and while my husband was switching careers and our finances had to deal with a whole new budget.

Well, even long roads have an end.  Even the most winding, scariest, darkly wooded paths come to an end.  And I am here to tell you I made it to the other side and, now that it’s over, it wasn’t all that bad.

I finished my poem with rhymes I liked.  I found an illustrator who I absolutely loved.  I gained confidence in my choice of self-publishing venues.  I did research on how to put myself out on social media.  I started blogging.  I kept all THREE of my kids alive through all of that this last year and I’m ready to take the next step in my career: allowing my book to go to print.

It’s a scary, scary thought.  Knowing my book will be done almost gives me more anxiety than all of the new stuff I was encountering this year.  Because what if there is a typo I missed?  What if I wake up then next day and decideI hate that one line of the poem?  What if I end up feeling scammed in the royalty department?

What if nobody likes my book?

I still have time to turn back.  I could get the proof from the printers, tell myself I hate it, that it’s not worth the stress or the cost of self-marketing, and decide to never make it available to the public.  I could turn around and go back into the woods, back down that long winding path that seemed to have no end, but that at least now is familiar.  And it would be so easy because right now, none of it is up to me.  Right now the future of my book depends on the proof reader at Createspace.  The only thing I can do right now is wait. And there is a chance I’ll be told the book is all wrong and I can’t publish it anyway…

But I’ve made it this far, haven’t I?  And I don’t want to go back.  I want to finish my book.  I want to do that scary putting-myself-out-there thing.  I started this long hard path as a dream-filled writer, and I intend to take that final step across the finish line as a published author.  I just have to wait a little more.



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